Marriage

Why do people marry?   Traditionally, it is so that they may create favourable conditions for the development of their offspring, although some spouses do not intend to have children and others  – to their intense regret  – are unable to.
Although the traditional supports for marriage, such as solemn vows to remain together 'for richer for poorer, for better for worse, in sickness and in health' and 'till death us do part' were probably intended principally for the benefit of children, they may also have helped make both spouses feel secure in their relationship.  

Re-marriage

Unfortunately, the support that such vows provide  – however sincerely held  – sometimes fails and a state of 'quiet despair' is no longer regarded as an acceptable solution.   Divorce is common and the distress it causes tends to shatter the sense of security the spouses and their children have become accustomed to.  
None the less, many divorced people re-marry and thus hazard their emotional tranquillity afresh.   Why?   What motivates them?   Is it a wish to fill a physical and emotional void, to persuade themselves that they can yet achieve the true love that surmounts all difficulties? 

Unrealistic expectations

Couples who live together sometimes find themselves in what has been described as ‘the most difficult relationship of all’.   That is especially true if their other interests do not coincide.   They tend to create unrealistic expectations.   What seems perfectly natural and acceptable to one can be extremely irritating and intolerable for the other.   Mutual understanding may become increasingly difficult as earlier hopes of long-term happiness begin to fade.  
If, or when, their relationship begins to falter, resentment at past behaviour may need to be acknowledged but apportioning blame is futile and only makes a final break more likely.   Life only goes forward.   ‘Going back to the way we were’ is not an option. 

Marital contracts

A more realistic option may be to hire a consultant who specialises in this kind of work.   That will probably involve agreeing a  contract.   The Latin words from which 'contract' derives mean a 'drawing together'.
Although the purpose of traditionally long betrothals was probably to encourage the formation of free, explicit contracts, their relative failure in modern society suggests that even they are not adequate and may need to be re-negotiated from time to time.  
So, just as any long, arduous journey begins with a single step, a more explicit and detailed contract increases the chances of a relationship that will engender long-term mutual satisfaction.  

Negotiating a contract

Financial, domestic and social matters are clearly important in a marital contract but others may be equally important because circumstances alter in the course of time.   The form of the contract should be flexible enough to allow for the fact that either partner, for instance, is likely to change psychologically, physically or both without premonition. 
If the contract is mainly oral or imprecise, it will probably need to be reviewed more frequently than one that is more formal and, to create the necessary flexibility, the contract may need to specify times set aside in which true feelings and thoughts can be declared and discussed without rancour — because undisclosed feelings and thoughts are like unexploded bombs.   Those times can also be used as opportunities for negotiating adjustments to the contract.   
Difficulty finding time for this may signify that the relationship is wavering. 

It may be, of course, that negotiating a mutually satisfactory contract will reveal so much incompatibility that the parties feel obliged to abandon their plans.   If that happens, their disappointment is likely to be immense  — but not as immense perhaps as the emotional void that can so easily open when anyone has little choice but to abandon an entrenched illusion.   Arrangements that are unrealistic increase the likelihood that hot blood will begin to run through a channel of indifference, or even hatred, rather than of love.  

If, despite all their endeavours, partners reach a point when a final break seems inescapable, the consultant will try to help them find ways of loosening their ties with the minimum of distress to everyone likely to be affected.   That is especially important, of course, if some of those involved are children.
Failure to negotiate or re-negotiate a mutually satisfactory contract does not imply that either partner, or both, is forever incapable of establishing one.   It merely implies that they have failed to do so in that instance.