BETTER
RELATIONSHIPS
| The most important factor
determining the success or failure of our working and domestic
lives, as well as our mental health, is the way in which we relate to one
another. Yet, obvious though that is, we tend to overlook it!
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Individuals and groups
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Relationships
between groups of people are no less important than
relationships between individual people, because groups are
simply associations of individuals.
The
quality of any human relationship depends entirely on genuinely sincere
effort by the individual associates —
spouses, partners, children, parents, friends, business
associates, for example.
In
some cases, people who are aware of a need to improve their relationships
can ease the task of removing the
obstructions by employing the services of a disinterested
consultant who specialises in this kind of work.
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The consultation process
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If
they employ a consultant, it is not essential
for everyone associated to take part in the consultancy process, although a
successful outcome is more likely if they do. What matters
most is their determination to find a solution that
satisfies all of them.
The consultant's function is mainly to help
identify the real obstructions, because the apparent obstructions may not be what they
seem and cannot be removed until their true nature becomes
clear.
Often, the main obstruction emerges as a build-up of
misunderstanding that has arisen from the difficulty some or all the
associates have communicating their thoughts and feelings. This tends to create ill-defined obligations
and ill-founded beliefs.
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Typical obstructions
to better understanding:
lack of
commitment to the consultancy process;
reluctance to compromise;
fear of being regarded as weak or foolish;
difficulty imagining the extent to which emotions
can affect reasoning;
felt resentment of such intensity that it outweighs the importance of the
current
difficulty;
reluctance to recognise one’s true feelings or perhaps to acknowledge
them openly;
unexamined assumptions.
If the process does
reveal such obstructions, some of the associates may conclude that mind
consultancy will help to remove the 'log-jam'.
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No guarantee of success
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As in all
human relationships, there is no easy or ‘ready made’
solution and people who seek this kind of help must be
prepared to experience strong feelings of discomfort.
If they finally decide that they are unable to agree on a solution
acceptable to all,
they are still free to continue as before or to seek other associates
who may prove more compatible.
Even if they feel that the consultancy process has been a waste of time and
expense, they are none the less likely to have made
discoveries that could serve them well in their future relationships. |
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