Coping with mental illness

If you are feeling tense, depressed, or anxious; if you are dissatisfied with yourself and nothing seems to go right; if life is meaningless; if you think you are losing touch with reality – and there seems to be no way out – what good can talking do?  

Although we may not always be aware of it, we do have the ability to cope.   Talking with someone who tries to see things as you see them, without judging you in any way can help you make sense of what is happening and help you find a way out of the jungle of thoughts and fears.

Making use of this kind of help is not a sign of moral weakness.   None of us is entirely self-sufficient.   In taking this step, you are not abandoning responsibility for yourself.

No magic solution

Because no two people or their circumstances are exactly alike, the answers to most human problems are neither simple nor quick.   Magic cures are an illusion.   If you are looking for a rapid and trouble-free remedy, you are likely to be disappointed.   What may have developed unnoticed over many years is unlikely to be resolved quickly!    Psychotherapy involves time, effort and perhaps further distress in the short term.   The key to a successful outcome is to persevere, whatever happens.  

Physical symptoms

If you are suffering from any physical symptoms, you should consult a medical practician before a psychotherapist.   The 'therapist will then be interested to learn about your symptoms and your other immediate concerns.   But s/he will be much more interested in you as a person: your hopes and fears; what you believe; how you see yourself; how you see and behave towards others; how they see and behave towards you.

Not just an emergency service

Although the 'therapist will certainly strive to help when you are particularly distressed or feeling unwell, that will be only part of the process.   In an emergency, such as a leaking roof, we try to effect a temporary repair and mop up the water.   Afterwards, when the weather improves and nearly everything has dried out, we need to arrange something more permanent.   

Similarly, when we are in deep distress, we can only make the situation as bearable as we can.   Then, when the worst is over, we need to begin the task of discovering the real causes of our distress and possible remedies.

What you can expect

Psychotherapy is more than polite and superficial conversation.   Although genuine sympathy and a cosy chat may make you feel better, you will only gain lasting benefit if you invest considerable emotional effort in your chosen task of unearthing the real causes of your distress and deciding what you can do about it.    Although you can certainly expect to be given the help you need, you will need to be fully convinced that no one else can do the work for you. 

A refuge

Try to think of the time you spend with the 'therapist as a safe haven, where you can talk and think about you; where it is safe to acknowledge what you really think and feel without being judged or rejected — a place where you can get away from saying what is expected of you and talk instead about what really matters to you.   
The 'therapist is morally obliged not to pass on to anyone else what you say in confidence.

Exploring feelings

You will be encouraged to consider all your feelings; not just those you and others find acceptable.   At first, you may feel embarrassed by this unusual kind of intimacy.   You need not reveal anything you do not want to; but the more open you are, the greater the likelihood that you will make progress.   
There may be times in the consultation when neither you nor the 'therapist says anything.   At other times, s/he may offer comments that are not what you would prefer to hear.   Or s/he may not fully understand, with the result that you feel frustrated or angry.

Overcoming disappointment

Don't be discouraged by this.   S/he will try to avoid it, but it is a risk you have to take if you are to make progress.   If you become irritated or uncomfortable, make sure you tell the 'therapist, so that s/he can share the task of discovering why you feel as you do and how the misunderstanding can be resolved.   You will not to be reproached or abandoned for saying what you truly think and feel.

Whatever happens, do not give up suddenly, even if you feel you are getting nowhere.   If, when you have discussed it, you decide that there is no point in continuing, you will be free to end the arrangement whenever you choose.

Overcoming difficulties

At some point during the process, you are likely to find yourself wanting to make changes in your life.   This could give rise to discouraging comments from people at work, say, or friends or relatives, that will make you reluctant to make the changes.     
If so, the 'therapist will give you all the emotional support you need to make the changes — but it will be for you to decide what you need to do and how and when.     
If the changes do not have the effect you anticipated, you will probably have lost little of value and will be able to exploit what you have learned from your efforts.

A satisfactory outcome

A time will come when you find you have enough courage and strength to manage without this kind of help, but the help will still be available if you feel you need it.  

Mental Illness

Psychotherapy

How Psychotherapy
Works

Choosing a Psychotherapist